Personal Observations of Accessories.

When you start shopping for a new car, you find that there are a myriad of accessories and additions to make a vehicle comfortable, easy to drive, and provide safety for the driver. Yet, one has choices that cancel each other. Do you select a large vehicle, which will insure your survival in a freeway collision. Or, do you pick a cracker box that will cost you very little, and get 55 miles to the gallon, but will probably get you killed in a normal street collision. You can get a smaller car with oodles of power, but power=gas mileage, i.e., the more power the less gas mileage.

The same is with people.

My observation, based on life experience, says this. You will not findthis in a place that says " Survey says", or "recent studies show" .

My view is of what women want in men. It almost always conflicting.

They want a man to be "Strong", but be able to go to tears over some trivial tragedy.
They want a man to be with them, and pay attention to them, but conversely, they want the man to make money for their shopping and comfort desires.

The men who get the most grief are police officers and military. A woman can give one of these enough discomfort to last a week, but he has to go to work and compartmentalize it. Put it in the back of his mind, and not think about it until he is "off duty".

In these professions, distractions = death. You must be focused 100% of the time, 24/7. Doping off into a "How can I make her happy?" session will cause you to miss some clue, some body language that would have raised your shields, and allowed you to get"the drop" on the bad guy.

So, the guys learn to NOT let some emotional things affect them. Terms like "stoic" are applied.
This drives women crazy. Guys learn not to talk about experiences. Why? Women either trivialize those experiences, or critique them with "Could,Woulda, Shoulda" comments. You get enough of those from your Agency.

Since 1970, there has been a 180 degree shift.
Before in police work, if you showed emotion, or consulted a psychologist or psychiatrist, you were "unstable", and "Unreliable". If such behavior or contact became known to superiors, they started amassing a case on you to fire you.

Starting about 1990, a psychologist was at "In-Service" classes as a result of alcoholism, suicides, and higher divorce rates.

About 2000, if someone in your Office was shot, severely injured, or killed, psychologists showed up. After shift start, you were urged to attend "group sessions" and Greif Counselling".

Us older guys always left the office when the sessions started, went out on the highways, and entered our "Road Warrior" Mode.